Bluemerle

"I've heard of cottaging...but this is ridiculous"

Richard Littlejohn

I've heard of cottaging...but this is ridiculous
21:50pm 14th June 2007
Comments (19)

On Tuesday, I found myself in Stamford Hill, North-East London, when I felt the call of nature. Fortunately, there was a shiny new superloo at the crossroads.

The first cubicle I came to was a unisex/disabled toilet, but by the time I realised, I'd already put my 20p in the slot.

As I turned the handle to open the door, I felt some resistance. It must be stuck, I figured, and gave it a hefty tug.

"No, no! Go, go!" shouted a heavilyaccented voice within. Maybe I'd disturbed an unfortunate wheelchair user in full flow.

The door opened to reveal not one, but two men inside, both of whom appeared to be of Eastern European origin.

There were clothes draped over the sink, sleeping bags on the floor and cartons of food propped up against the toilet bowl. "You go, you go!" they yelled at me.

It was only after beating a hasty retreat to another, vacant cubicle, that it dawned on me. They were living there.

Then I vaguely remembered reading a story in the Mail a few weeks ago about Polish builders using a superloo in Hackney as a makeshift dormitory.

Since Stamford Hill falls within the London Borough of Hackney, this must be the place.

Local residents reported seeing fights break out among Eastern European immigrants over the two disabled toilets in the block, which measure 6ft 8in by 4ft 10in, capable of accommodating at a pinch two people sleeping side by side.

Those who didn't cop a disabled cubicle had to settle for a standard toilet, which is only 3ft 10in by 2ft 6in and would involve sleeping sitting up.

A shopkeeper was quoted as saying: "People are turning up with rucksacks and sleeping bags and they get nice accommodation fully maintained and with a bathroom for just 20p a night.

"You can see cardboard on the floor where they have been making their bed.

"Every morning the cleaners have to try and drag them out and this has been going on since the toilets were built three months ago."

Hackney Council said: "We do see this as a problem. They are stopping legitimate users from getting into the toilets and the cleaners can't do their job."

The original report said the scuffles would kick off around 10.30pm. But on Tuesday it was only 6pm.

Either these guys were shift workers or they'd set up home there. They looked pretty well established to me.

When I first saw this story, I assumed that maybe it was one of those urban myths which do the rounds - like that report about immigrants killing swans and carp from local lakes for their supper.

If I hadn't stumbled across it myself, I would have forgotten all about it. Little surprises me these days.

But I can't be the only person either caught short or 20p out of pocket. Maybe I should apply to the Town Hall for a refund.

The council may see it as a problem, but they clearly haven't bothered doing anything about it. And where are the police? Don't we still have laws on vagrancy and trespass?

Is it now official policy to turn a blind eye to public conveniences being used as transit camps?

I mean, I've heard of cottaging but this is ridiculous. Something must have got lost in translation between Gdansk and Stamford Hill.

When these immigrants set out to build a new life in England, did they really think they'd end up living in a loo with a view?

Obviously, the authorities are in no hurry to move them on. At least if they are Polish, the plumbing will be kept in good working order at a very reasonable price.

Perhaps that's the deal - they can live in Trap Three, provided they agree to fix dripping taps and unblock the U-bends.

But at what stage do squatters' rights kick in? How long before they apply for permanent tenure, like the bunch of layabouts living in that empty £10 million mansion in Hampstead?

Presumably, we can then start charging them council tax. Government inspectors can visit to check whether or not they have made any improvements, such as building a conservatory or putting in a Jacuzzi.

If this catches on, we'll soon have all our public toilets festooned with thatched roofs, stone cladding, double glazing and satellite dishes.

The BBC will dispatch that Laurence bloke with the flamboyant cuffs to do a makeover show, live from the disabled khazi on the A10.

It's easy to laugh about it - otherwise you'd slash your wrists - but at every level, whichever way you look at it, this is total madness, Last Days of Pompeii stuff.

If ever anything illustrated graphically the complete absence of "joined-up thinking", this is it.

When Labour recklessly tore up our border controls, did anyone think we'd end up with immigrants living not just ten to a room, but two to a loo?

Meanwhile, ministers cackle on about "cultural capital", "cohesion" and "diversity packs" and order councils to put up taxes to find £50 million for English lessons for migrants - so at least they'll be able to understand "Gentlemen, Lift The Seat" and "Now Please Wash Your Hands" before they settle down in their sleeping bags for the night.

I guess this is what Labour means by "bog standard".

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/liv..._author_id=322

Ian C

If you have a capital city overun with illegal immigrants, and relative luxury of public toilets, then being mis-used as cheap overnight accomodation is hardly surprising.

g hall

Whatever happened to the cardboard boxes on the south bank so beloved of the anti Maggie brigade ?

__________________
"That government is best which governs least."
"This is a sharp Medicine, but it is a Physician for all diseases and miseries".
"To be "matter of fact" about the world is to blunder into fantasy --and dull fantasy at that, as the real world is strange and wonderful."

IceDragon

Don't they still make those smoke bombs which are harmless but cause a lot of confusion? :twisted:

smooveOp

You can buy "Murfume Smoke Pellets" for fumigating greenhouses from many hardware shops.

They would be ideal. :P

Tara

I like it!

Remember the smoke bombs we had as kids? Can you still buy them?

22ANDUK

It bothers me that someone is being told 'You go, you go' by an immigrant.

The sad thing is, it's just an everyday facet of modern Britain.

I hate this country sometimes.

Britannist

The number of east europeans in the capital is at least 600, 000 of the estimated one million who have come to the UK since their nations joined the EU. That's like the whole of the population of Liverpool or Sheffield moving to London.

It is now almost impossible - in many parts of the capital - to walk from one end of the road to the other without hearing someone who passes by talking in Polish or one of the other east european languages.

I saw another lot arriving at the end of the road the other day - they were talking in some east european language as they unloaded large suitcases from a car.

Hartlepool

I suppose we should be thankfull,after all,they could have been speaking in Chinese whilst unloading cars from large suitcases.

Tara

Makes no difference to me, a foreigner is a foreigner, they are all the same to me.