Mikeuk

A friend of mine is able to obtain 'Viagra Substitute' tablets through some bootleg source without prescription. He assures me they really work and - yes - I think I need them too.

His wife asked him whether she would give him some for a senior colleague at her office (and before you get any sordid ideas about this lovely lady she was one of a network of staff sworn to an elaborate conspiracy of deception should the wife unexpectedly call by) My friend complied, but forgot to tell his wife to pass on the message that the dose was half a tablet rather than all four tablets in the bubble-pack.

Apparently the love of his life was a pretty co-worker of 18 or so who found the aging rip's wallet more attractive than the adolescent fumblings of her thick yob of a boyfriend.

Awaiting the stimulating effects of the stimulant the middle-aged Lothario and his delectable dollybird as foreplay...whereupon, without warning, the entire contents of his bowels suddenly and noisely evacuated, and he had to be rushed to hospital. As the foreplay in question happened to be the normally harmless pastime known to oldies as '69', the results were spectacularly distressing.

I understand that his health, if not his dignity, has made a good recovery, Sadly, Zerlina has returned to her Masetto.

For some reason I was strangely reminded of that long-running West End farce entitled 'There's a Girl in my Soup'. Those like me who are of advanced years may recall the title, if nothing else.