Biscuitman

BT’s Home IT Advisor service reveals the nation’s quirkiest IT problems
BT’s Home IT advisors are trained to cope with anything that is thrown at them – from misbehaving modems to wayward wireless networks.

However, a recent survey of how customers are using the service reveals some IT issues that have left BT’s specialist advice team scratching their heads.

Anthony Vollmer, head of home IT propositions at BT, said: “Some of the calls we get from customers have certainly raised a smile, as you can see from the examples here. What they highlight is a real demand for a service like BT Home IT Advisor.

Here are the top ten quirkiest calls:

Customer: “My mouse mat isn’t wired up”
Advisor: “I’m not sure I understand, your mouse mat shouldn’t have any wires.”
Customer: “well how does it know where my mouse is? Is it wireless?”

Advisor: “Press any key to continue.”
Customer: “I can’t find the ‘Any’ key.”

Customer: “I keep getting inappropriate pop-ups on my computer and don’t want my wife to think that it’s me.”
Advisor: “I will remove them for you.”
Customer: “How do I get them back when she is not in?”

Customer: “I met a man on the internet, can you give me his phone number?”

Advisor: “You have spyware on your machine which is causing the problem.”
Customer: “Spyware? Can they see me getting dressed through the monitor?”

Customer: “How do I change channel on my monitor?”
Advisor: “Your monitor won’t have channels like a TV.”
Customer: “But I was watching the internet channel the other day and now I just get the word processing channel.”

Advisor: “Can you click on ‘My Computer’?”
Customer: “I don’t have your computer, just mine.”

Customer: “My 14 year-old son has put a password on my computer and I can’t get in.”
Advisor: “Has he forgotten it?”
Customer: “No he just won’t tell me it because I’ve grounded him.”

Customer: “I have lost my work.”
Advisor: “Let’s see if we can get your documents back for you?”
Customer: “You don’t understand, I’ve lost my job and I want to get on to the internet to find a new one.”

Customer: “My internet isn’t working”
Advisor: “What modem are you using, is everything connected up?”
Customer: “No I haven’t taken the computer or the modem out of their boxes yet!”

BT has been able to resolve computer problems for 150,000 callers since the service began in March 2006, with issues ranging from badly configured routers to PC settings interfering with internet access.

Vollmer added: “People are used to having IT support at work – why shouldn’t they get the same level of service when at home? With the average amount of computers per household approaching two, there are always going to be people seeking help.”

“Whether its help setting up a computer, fixing a problem that is hindering internet access, or helping to teach someone how to do something new with their computer, BT Home IT Advisors are available 8am to 11pm, 365 days a year to solve the problem quickly. Most questions can be answered over the phone, using technology that allows advisors to fix problems over Broadband.”

BT’s Home IT Advisor service gives customers a single point of contact with a team of highly trained advisors dedicated to providing comprehensive support for customers’ PCs, networks, applications and up to 20 devices for the home. For more information, go to www.bt.com/homeitadvisor. Services are available from £9.99 per month for a subscription to the service, or £25 for a Pay-As-You-Go Service where callers pay per incident.

ENDS

NOTES TO EDITORS
From the data collected, BT has also discovered that:

The average home has 1.6 computers.
The average age of callers is 54, and callers represent almost an even split between men and women (55% men, 45% women)
One of the most common IT problems is about installing security software (17%)
The most common help given is to set up a wireless broadband connection (16 %)

__________________
IF THE EU WAS THE ANSWER, IT MUST HAVE BEEN A STUPID QUESTION!

g hall

I wonder if they will do as well as PC World did in a recent survey which showed that local independants provided a better and cheaper service

http://www.which.co.uk/reports_and_c..._557_99707.jsp

Not that I'm biased or anything

mark starr

The only times I have contacted BT for help re computer problem they have been totally useless

Feldoon

I feel that's just humourous trash, to be honest.

BT Help tends to be not that at all.

"Sorry, we don't offer help for Linux".

PROTIP; Get real people on the phones.

Besoeker

What is your profession?

Feldoon

Education. Why?

Besoeker

Provider or customer?

cookie65

Found this,which is similar.

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer "No."

Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

***************************

Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still
getting
the same error message."

Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"

Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

************************

Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."

Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."

Customer: "I typed 'A: SETUP'."

Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."

Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."

Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."

Customer: "What?"

Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"

Customer: "No."

***************************

Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"

Tech Support: ?!%#$

**************************

Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can You see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

***************************

Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"

Customer: "A white one."

***************************

Tech Support: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."

Customer: "How do you spell that?"
**************************

Tech Support: "Is your computer on a separate telephone line?"

Customer: "No." (Clicks the button to log on to our service)

Tech Support: "Well then we can't-"

Customer: "It says 'no dial tone'."

Tech Support: "That's because you're on the line with me right now.
You need to-..."

Customer: "No, that's not it. It does this all the time. I just have to try a few times, and it will let me through."

Tech Support: "No, ma'am. It's not even trying to dial right now because you're on the phone with me."

Customer: "It must be busy. I'll try again later."

*******************************

Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"

Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."

******************************

Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?"

Customer: "Pentium."

*****************************

Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."

*****************************

Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."

*******************************

Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"

******************************

Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print documents,
but the computer won't boot properly."

Tech Support: "What does it say?"

Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."

Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

****************************

Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."

Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

****************************

Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?"

Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support: "Well?"

Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"

******************************

A computer illiterate guy rings Tech support to report that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What's the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: You'll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and It will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
Ten minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The Tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS.

Let me know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.

Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User: MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.

One hour later.

User: I need a new power supply.

Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?

User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE
----------------------------

g hall

BT Yahoo have just brought in a new spam filter - so be prepared to not get any emails

John Youles

Here are some oldies...

A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows."

The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his
is working fine."

**********
Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

**********
Overheard in a computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"

**********
I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.

**********
Customer in computer shop: "Can you copy the Internet onto this disk for me?"
Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."

**********
Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon."
Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows - because of the icons - I'm a
Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was
meant to-"
Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a filing
cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?"
Customer: {click}

**********
Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
Customer: {pause} "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"

**********
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colours would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colours are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine. Every colour of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow.

I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and
reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my co-workers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this yellow paper?"

**********
A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech support
number, complaining about the error message: "Can't find the printer." On the phone, the man said he even held the printer up in front of the screen, but the computer still couldn't find it.

**********
And another user was all confused about why the cursor always moved in the opposite direction from the movement of the mouse. She also complained that the buttons were difficult to depress. She was very embarrassed when we asked her to rotate the mouse so the tail pointed away from her.

**********
An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation
that had gone terribly wrong.
Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer."
Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so I let the little act of piracy slide.
Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?"
Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't initialized."
Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?"
Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?'"
Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?"
Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"

**********
This guy calls in to complain that he gets an "Access Denied" message every time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his username and password in capital letters.
Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use lower case letters."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."

**********
Email from a friend:
"CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?"

**********
My friend was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest, staring at the screen. After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position, only now she was impatiently tapping her foot.
He asked if she needed help and she replied "It's about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!"

__________________
John Youles
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ind-uk/ - the discussion list exclusive to UKIP members.