Headlines from the year 2029

Biscuitman · 09-02-2006, 12:33 PM

Headlines from the year 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest
country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White
minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third
language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the AmericanTerritory of the
Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more
years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally,
but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail
delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-years, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed,
they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
(Hummmmmmmmm)

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters
and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political
contributions to campaign accounts.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

Gasoline (petrol) rises to $117.99/gallon, only available on Mondays and
Thursdays. The Hummer Owners Club of America, in partnership with Standard
Oil, starts drilling in Nevada.

britishpleb · 09-02-2006, 05:26 PM

and late sporting news........

the 2028/29 British Premier League Title was decided on the last gane of the season. Throughout the season the two teams in serious contention have swapped first and second place on an almost weekly basis, in the thrilling final match a 1-0 score line saw Chelsea crowned as Premiership Champions for the 7th time in the past 10 seasons. Second Place went to Chelsea Reserve Squad who have managed to finsh as Champions ahead of their own first team 3 times in the 10 years since they won promotion to the Premiership in their own right. The third place team was......err.....hey who cares, not important anyway....

Westcountryman · 09-02-2006, 07:35 PM

Labour win another landslide election in the UK, gaining 100% of the vote. Manifesto promises include outlawing all non-government political activity, new ways to spy on citizens and increasing income tax to 110%. The Secretary General of the UN, Tony Blair, announced the victory as 'a victory for all comrades.'

FuroraCeltica · 09-02-2006, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ModernTory

Labour win another landslide election in the UK, gaining 100% of the vote. Manifesto promises include outlawing all non-government political activity, new ways to spy on citizens and increasing income tax to 110%. The Secretary General of the UN, Tony Blair, announced the victory as 'a victory for all comrades.'

girlfriday · 09-02-2006, 10:44 PM

It becomes complusory for all registered males to adopt feminine names and set aside at least one day in the week for the statutory wearing of feminine dress between the hours of sunset and sunrise. Hetrosexuals begin to organise "straight pride" events and the the Boys in Pink (the new uniform colour code for serving Police officers) insist they are doing all they can to crack down on hetrophobic offences.

King Ali McMohammod, the second half Scottish, half Islamic monarch of the newly independent state of Londonistan, has promised to allow temporary passes to infidels visiting relatives across the newly built Londonistan Wall, built to encircle the M25 motorway (now used as a camel racetrack and giant sandpit to facilitate the desertification of Londonistan's streets with the obiligatory sandstorm effect after every strong gale).

Tony Blair arrested for the 22nd time after caught begging outside mosques whilst trying to sell hand drawings of the Prophet in bed with the chairman of American food and military hardware giant, Birdseye, with the slogan "Give Peas a Chance".

Biscuitman · 09-02-2006, 10:58 PM

Quote:

It becomes complusory for all registered males to adopt feminine names and set aside at least one day in the week for the statutory wearing of feminine dress between the hours of sunset and sunrise.

Baware is already a pioneer in this cause.

Biscuitman · 09-02-2006, 10:59 PM

"Lord Fergusson of Old Trafford postpones retirement, again".

Angryjohn · 10-02-2006, 11:42 AM

EU implodes - Nations are national once again. Economic collapse of Eurozone.

UKIP voted INTO phpbb_power.

Greg Lance-Watkins · 11-02-2006, 04:02 AM

Hi,

the optimism of this thread is wonderfull.

Who says we get to 2029?

Sometimes it is better to die on one's feet rather than live on one's knees.

GET BRITAIN BACK FOR A SAFER JUST FUTURE.

Regards,
Greg

Lynn Riley · 11-02-2006, 12:51 PM

You should know - how are your knees?

09-02-2006, 12:33 PM	#1 (permalink)
Biscuitman Uber Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Reading Posts: 3,486	Headlines from the year 2029 Headlines from the year 2029 Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language. Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock. Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped. Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage. Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the AmericanTerritory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon). Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. 85-years, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. (Hummmmmmmmm) Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches. New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036. Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts. IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent. Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines. Gasoline (petrol) rises to $117.99/gallon, only available on Mondays and Thursdays. The Hummer Owners Club of America, in partnership with Standard Oil, starts drilling in Nevada. __________________ IF THE EU WAS THE ANSWER, IT MUST HAVE BEEN A STUPID QUESTION!

09-02-2006, 07:35 PM	#3 (permalink)
Westcountryman Uber Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: The Westcountry. Posts: 5,922 Party: None	Labour win another landslide election in the UK, gaining 100% of the vote. Manifesto promises include outlawing all non-government political activity, new ways to spy on citizens and increasing income tax to 110%. The Secretary General of the UN, Tony Blair, announced the victory as 'a victory for all comrades.' __________________ Manus haec inimica tyrannis ense petit placidam sub libertate quietam - "This hand of mine, which is hostile to tyrants, seeks by the sword quiet peace under liberty."

09-02-2006, 10:44 PM	#5 (permalink)
girlfriday Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: england Posts: 238	future past It becomes complusory for all registered males to adopt feminine names and set aside at least one day in the week for the statutory wearing of feminine dress between the hours of sunset and sunrise. Hetrosexuals begin to organise "straight pride" events and the the Boys in Pink (the new uniform colour code for serving Police officers) insist they are doing all they can to crack down on hetrophobic offences. King Ali McMohammod, the second half Scottish, half Islamic monarch of the newly independent state of Londonistan, has promised to allow temporary passes to infidels visiting relatives across the newly built Londonistan Wall, built to encircle the M25 motorway (now used as a camel racetrack and giant sandpit to facilitate the desertification of Londonistan's streets with the obiligatory sandstorm effect after every strong gale). Tony Blair arrested for the 22nd time after caught begging outside mosques whilst trying to sell hand drawings of the Prophet in bed with the chairman of American food and military hardware giant, Birdseye, with the slogan "Give Peas a Chance".

09-02-2006, 10:59 PM	#7 (permalink)
Biscuitman Uber Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Reading Posts: 3,486	"Lord Fergusson of Old Trafford postpones retirement, again". __________________ IF THE EU WAS THE ANSWER, IT MUST HAVE BEEN A STUPID QUESTION!

11-02-2006, 04:02 AM	#9 (permalink)
Greg Lance-Watkins Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: The Web Cam behind your screen - Smile Posts: 705	Hi, the optimism of this thread is wonderfull. Who says we get to 2029? Sometimes it is better to die on one's feet rather than live on one's knees. GET BRITAIN BACK FOR A SAFER JUST FUTURE. Regards, Greg __________________ If I can Help YOU repatriate Democracy, Independence and Sovereignty to these United Kingdoms do feel free to call me. see: http://CaterpillarsAndButterflies.BLOGspot.com; http://www.KidneyCancerResource.com]; [http://www.GlanceBack.co.UK; http://www.SilentMajority.co.UK; http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?...73392140890250;

09-02-2006, 05:26 PM	#2 (permalink)
britishpleb Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: dark side of the moon Posts: 23	and late sporting news........ the 2028/29 British Premier League Title was decided on the last gane of the season. Throughout the season the two teams in serious contention have swapped first and second place on an almost weekly basis, in the thrilling final match a 1-0 score line saw Chelsea crowned as Premiership Champions for the 7th time in the past 10 seasons. Second Place went to Chelsea Reserve Squad who have managed to finsh as Champions ahead of their own first team 3 times in the 10 years since they won promotion to the Premiership in their own right. The third place team was......err.....hey who cares, not important anyway....

10-02-2006, 11:42 AM	#8 (permalink)
Angryjohn Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: London Posts: 309	EU implodes - Nations are national once again. Economic collapse of Eurozone. UKIP voted INTO phpbb_power.

11-02-2006, 12:51 PM	#10 (permalink)
Lynn Riley Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Chepstow Posts: 256	You should know - how are your knees?

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