Biscuitman

Operator: “Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID number?”
Customer: “Hi, I’d like to place an order.”
Operator: “I must have your NIDN first, sir”
Customer: “My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, it’s 6102049998-45-54610.”
Operator: “Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 42 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number’s 494-2366. Your office number at Lincoln Insurance is 745- 2302 and your mobile number’s 266-2566. Email address is sheehan@ home.net. Which number are you calling from, sir?”
Customer: “Huh? I’m at home. Where d’ya get all this information?”
Operator: “We’re wired INTO phpbb_the HOSS, sir.”
Customer: “The HOSS, what is that?”
Operator: “We’re wired INTO phpbb_the Home Office Security System, sir. This will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time”
Customer: (Sighs) “Oh, well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas
Operator: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”
Customer: “Whaddya mean?”
Operator: “Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you’ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. The NHS won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”
Customer: “What?!?! What do you recommend, then?”
Operator: “You might try our low-fat Soyabean Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it.”
Customer: “What makes you think I’d like something like that?”
Operator: “Well, you checked out ‘Gourmet Soyabean Recipes’ from your local library last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.”
Customer: “All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.”
Operator: “That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, and your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is £29.99.”
Customer: “Let me give you my credit card number.”
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.”
Customer: “I’ll run out to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.”
Operator: “That won’t work either, sir Your current account’s overdrawn also.”
Customer: “Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long will it take?”
Operator: “We’re running a little behind, sir. It’ll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick ‘em up while you’re out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.”
Customer: “How do you know I ride a motorbike?”
Operator: “It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repossessed. But your Honda’s paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday”
Customer: Well I’ll be a “@#%/$@&?#!”
Operator: “I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a conviction for swearing at a policeman and another one I see here in September for contempt at your hearing for shouting at the judge. Oh yes, I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the Community Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to society?
Customer: (Speechless)
Operator: “Will there be anything else, sir?”
Customer: “Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 litre bottle of Coke”.
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free pop to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this. Thank you for calling Pizza Hut!”

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IF THE EU WAS THE ANSWER, IT MUST HAVE BEEN A STUPID QUESTION!

Nigel Garage

Very good!

And when we live in a 'cashless society' you won't be able to buy the pizzas if the bank won't let you.

And when all plants have been contaminated with GM crops, and all GM crops are patented by the likes of Monsanto, you won't even be able to grow your own food without permission and royalty payments.

Welcome to the New World Order.

algypug

Biscuitman, that is a cracker !
Sadly, it could also be true !

C_steam

Loud round of applause BM. Try sending it to a couple of newspapers?

Lots of laughs in the office too.