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Peter_North · 11-02-2006, 07:40 PM

Aide: Governor, the Free Eric Cartman Now Committee is here to see you?
Governor: Naw, not another committee. Send them in. [Stan, Kyle, and Token enter. Kyle carries a boombox and Token an easel with their presentation on it. They set up] This is the Free Eric Cartman Now Committee?
Token: Yeah.
Governor: Well, boys, what can I do for you?
Stan: [to Kyle] Okay, go ahead and start.
Kyle: I don't start, you start.
Stan: Oh, uhyeah. [walks to the easel and clears his thoat] Hello, Mr. Governor, and thank you for taking the time to hear our presentation on hate-crime laws, entitled, "Hate Crime Laws: A Savage Hypocracy." [shows the title page. Kyle presses the play button for some ambience] Yes, over the past few years our great country has been developing new hate crime laws.
Token: [flips a page to depict a stabbing in progress] If somebody kills somebody, it's a crime. But if someone kills somebody of a different color, it's a hate crime.
Kyle: And we think that that is [flips the page to reveal a copy of the title page] a savage hypocracy, because all crimes are hate crimes. If a man beats another man because that man was sleeping with his wife, is that not a hate crime?
Stan: [flips the page to reveal a person tagging City Hall] If a person vandalizes a government building, is it not because of his hate for the government?
Token: [flips the page to reveal a man being hit deliberately by a car] And motivation for a crime shouldn't affect the sentencing.
Stan: [flips the page to reveal warring groups of people around a question mark] Mayor, it is time to stop splitting people INTO phpbb_groups. All hate crimes do is support the idea that blacks are different from whites, that homosexuals need to be treated differently from non-homos, that we aren't the same.
Kyle: [shows a rainbow of people holding hands] But instead, we should all be treated the same, with the same laws and the same punishments for the same crimes [Stan flips the page to reveal their hate crime proposal]. For in that way Cartman can be freed from prison, and we [flips the page to show them winning a sledding race] will have a chance to win the sledding race on Thursday.
Stan: That is our presentation. An idea that we call…
Token: [flips the page to reveal another copy of the title page] "Hate Crime Laws: A Savage Hypocracy." [Kyle turns the tape player off]
Governor: Hm. That made the most sense of any presentation I've heard in the last three years.

11-02-2006, 07:40 PM	#1 (permalink)
Peter_North Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 350	South Park extract Aide: Governor, the Free Eric Cartman Now Committee is here to see you? Governor: Naw, not another committee. Send them in. [Stan, Kyle, and Token enter. Kyle carries a boombox and Token an easel with their presentation on it. They set up] This is the Free Eric Cartman Now Committee? Token: Yeah. Governor: Well, boys, what can I do for you? Stan: [to Kyle] Okay, go ahead and start. Kyle: I don't start, you start. Stan: Oh, uhyeah. [walks to the easel and clears his thoat] Hello, Mr. Governor, and thank you for taking the time to hear our presentation on hate-crime laws, entitled, "Hate Crime Laws: A Savage Hypocracy." [shows the title page. Kyle presses the play button for some ambience] Yes, over the past few years our great country has been developing new hate crime laws. Token: [flips a page to depict a stabbing in progress] If somebody kills somebody, it's a crime. But if someone kills somebody of a different color, it's a hate crime. Kyle: And we think that that is [flips the page to reveal a copy of the title page] a savage hypocracy, because all crimes are hate crimes. If a man beats another man because that man was sleeping with his wife, is that not a hate crime? Stan: [flips the page to reveal a person tagging City Hall] If a person vandalizes a government building, is it not because of his hate for the government? Token: [flips the page to reveal a man being hit deliberately by a car] And motivation for a crime shouldn't affect the sentencing. Stan: [flips the page to reveal warring groups of people around a question mark] Mayor, it is time to stop splitting people INTO phpbb_groups. All hate crimes do is support the idea that blacks are different from whites, that homosexuals need to be treated differently from non-homos, that we aren't the same. Kyle: [shows a rainbow of people holding hands] But instead, we should all be treated the same, with the same laws and the same punishments for the same crimes [Stan flips the page to reveal their hate crime proposal]. For in that way Cartman can be freed from prison, and we [flips the page to show them winning a sledding race] will have a chance to win the sledding race on Thursday. Stan: That is our presentation. An idea that we call… Token: [flips the page to reveal another copy of the title page] "Hate Crime Laws: A Savage Hypocracy." [Kyle turns the tape player off] Governor: Hm. That made the most sense of any presentation I've heard in the last three years.